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The Ability to Have a Healthy Divorce


According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, over 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within 5 years, and 48 percent of marriages end before the 20-year mark. Divorce is always challenging, stressful, and filled with complex emotions. A divorce is never a pleasant event, however, it is possible to have a healthy divorce if you follow these steps during this difficult time.


While it may sound trite, it is vital to be kind to yourself, and take time for self-care.  Divorce can bring with it overwhelming emotions of grief, anger, fear, and frustration.  Taking the time to make sure you are emotionally and mentally healthy will only help make the process easier.  Consider visiting with a therapist to deal with your emotions and help you adjust to this difficult time.


Healthy and calm communication may seem almost impossible during this adversarial time with your soon to be ex-spouse.  However, it is so important that you attempt to cooperate and communicate to reach the best result for everyone involved, especially if there are child custody issues. Try not to view the divorce process as a battleground, but rather a back and forth negotiation, where everyone, especially your children, can benefit. Writing lists ahead of meetings, and choosing times to visit with your ex-spouse where you are calm and prepared, or simply handling most matters over e-mail, can make the entire process go smoother.


If calm and peaceful communication is impossible, consider taking the matter to a mediator.  Your attorney can help you find a mediator, who can create a neutral environment and reduce the amount of conflict. Writing lists before mediation, or having a set list of items to discuss can also alleviate tension and stress.


Children are often caught in the chaos of divorce. The American College of Pediatrics states that while divorce can challenge children academically, physically and emotionally, parents who are dedicated to putting the child’s needs above their own create healthy and well-adjusted children. Allowing your child to visit with a therapist can also help them deal with their emotions and adjust to the transition of the family.

Steps to a Healthy Divorce

While you can not control your soon to be ex-spouse, you can control your own actions.  It is possible to keep your divorce healthy and amicable if you follow these 5 steps:

1. View the Big Picture

While divorce can feel all-consuming, remember to be grateful for your life, your family, and your children.  Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

2, Children Come First

Making sure you put the needs of your children first is imperative for them to be well-adjusted children who grow into well-adjusted adults.  Adjust your language.  Visitation schedules are not about YOUR time with your children, it’s about the children’s time with their parents.

3. Good Faith

Maintain a position of good faith throughout the divorce process, and negotiate with honor and good faith.

4. Respect and Dignity

Always maintain an air of respect and dignity for your ex-spouse, even if you are hurt, sad, angry or frustrated.  Remember that showing respect to your spouse sets an example for your children to respect their parents.

5. Refuse to Place Blame

Make the difficult decision to refuse to place blame on the other spouse.  This challenging but important decision will create an air of peace that will best lead to a healthy divorce.

Contact a Divorce Attorney

Even with the most healthy perspective, and amicable divorce, you still need to ensure that the rights to your children and property are protected.  With so much at stake, an experienced Prince Frederick divorce lawyer serving southern Maryland from Meng Law will be able to provide you with clear answers regarding your specific and unique situation. If you are faced with a divorce and want to approach it in the healthiest way, but still want to ensure your legal rights are protected, please contact one of our family law attorneys at 410-449-1647 or online for a free consultation.


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